Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Another day, and another lesson learned. The world isn't a fair place, is it? I cannot believe that one's bias at somebody in one situation can be so easily brought into a completely different situation and applied so effortlessly. Especially when this bias is uncalled for and only stemmed from what was just an honest mistake in the first place. This bias does not stop at that one innocent person, but its effects creep in and take a toll on everyone around. I don't understand what was the point in working so hard for HH when its rewards never reaped in the end. Instead, I saw today that it was stalled from the very beginning, and was never given a chance to ripen, regardless of any toiling that took place. What was the damn point? If we were going to be judged from the very beginning based on a complete misunderstanding that didn't even have anything to do with us in the first place, I would never even have put myself out there like that. Yes, I have been told very honestly tonight that the PMS Dept is probably not in for a good time, even now, when everything is over and we've all been bled dry to the bone. And the reason? Injustice. That's the most apt description that I can think of, and I'm going to stick with it. At this point, I'm just sick and tired of the whole situation. They say this society is based on merit. I disagree. No matter how much effort you put in, the person[s] judging you is what matters. Even when they do not have a valid basis to judge you on in the first place. -------------------------------------- I left school at 8.30pm tonight, and instead of telling the taxi driver to go to my place, I told him to go to my grandmother's instead. I knew the extended family would be there cos it's Prayer Night tonight. And I think that is exactly what I needed. The warmth that resonated towards me because of the pleased exclamations of my family at my attendance after a month of disappearance was wonderful. And this was made even sweeter by the kids' excited cries of "YiYi Karen is here!" Really, home can be wonderful. And God. Tomorrow, I am going to get myself a notebook. This is going to be my Gratitude Diary, in which I will remember what I am thankful for each day. I hope that by concretizing the blessings in my life in black and white, I will learn to be able to let unhappiness go and to absorb more easily the little joys in life. --------------------------------- Angie said something to me tonight that I've been reflecting on. Remember that it is ultimately important that God's justice is perfect. And indeed, little else matters.
lying among the petals 4:40 PM
