Thursday, August 04, 2005
I don't know when I started thinking this, but tonight at Zouk, I was constantly thinking about how the past never lets you go. Despite having a pretty good time with everyone, there was the constant, nagging thought of how I keep being reminded of everything that happened in the past, and the troubling thing is, I always remember the bad stuff before the good stuff.
Even hearing about certain people from others makes me think of the hurt, the crap, the shit which happened years ago, or by seeing someone's best friend in the crowd reminds me of what I used to have, and how it turned from wonderful to less-than-perfect. Was it just me? A lack of good judgment maybe?
Is it my own inability to truly let go of past negativity? Am i incapable of seeing the good in things, and only the worst? Or am I just holding on to the bad memories so as to protect myself from others? Cos I've learned that I can never really trust anybody but myself. And even then, there are times when I doubt myself. Is there really nobody in this world that I can truly bare my heart to, and trust him/her with it??
People are always looking for a safe haven; a place where there can be no hurt, no fears. But does it really exist?
Are we always looking for something that isn't even there?
lying among the petals 7:47 PM
