Karen

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Reflections

Today on the 151 to school, I was listening to music, and looking out the window. Then I looked at the girl beside me, and she was looking intently at her notes... I looked at what she was studying, and suddenly I was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia.

Seeing the words "oligopoly", "differentiated" etc etc, I suddenly remembered all those times in JC when I complained bitterly about Econs, and how it was the absolute bane of my life. But the difference this time was that as I was thinking about Econs, it wasn't the familiar feeling of annoyance at those graphs, but instead, a strange feeling of reminiscence. Maybe it was the bumpiness and the slight warmth of the bus ride which made me feel hazy and suddenly feeling reminiscent about Econs, but I think I know that the nostalgia was brought about by the fact that I know I will never even get the chance to complain about Econs anymore. JC is over, Econs is over, I will most probably never have to draw another of those curves again. Econs was a subject that I detested, but the memories that come with detesting Econs are something that I treasure. The friends that encouraged me to work hard even though I sucked at it, my brother sacrificing all those evenings three weeks before the As trying desperately to tutor me to do well enough to pass, the prayers that my parents said every night for me, the concerned nagging from my Econs teacher, Mr Fahy's own special talk with the class about our Econs grades, the classmates that messed up Econs tests with me but still always managed to cheer me up when I was feeling crappy about my own lousy grade.. and many many other things. Especially God, who in the end saw me through it all and blessed me with a grade that I know I do not deserve at all, even to this day. How do I know this? The fact that I can't remember a single thing about Econs is absolute proof that the hand that held mine throughout the whole Econs exam was God's warm hand, and He did the entire paper for me. Even shading those irritating circles with the 2B pencil.

Such is the transience of life isn't it? We can hate something with all our hearts, but there always is something good that comes out of that. I hated Econs, but the memories that come with it are precious and greatly treasured. And it just makes it a tad depressing that those memories are of the past, and will never return again.

But I know that I must be thankful for those memories, and that the people that entered my life during that time are still in my life now, and will be there to provide me with more wonderful memories in the years to come.

The song that I happened to be listening to while staring at that girl's Econs notes was James Blunt's You're Beautiful. How apt. He sings of the transience of life, of experiences, of encounters. But the beautiful memories will always stay, and that some things, you can never forget.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

And I will continue to believe.. my life is brilliant. And I am happy.

I'm happy to have been able to be at mass with good friends this evening, joining in the hymns and listening to the choir.
I'm happy to have been able to talk to Angie on the phone this afternoon, and I'm happy that she called just as lecture was over, so I could answer the phone and not miss her call.
I'm happy that San is out now with her friends, being able to enjoy herself without the pressures of other things.
I'm happy that my parents called to me just now to check that I was home when they heard the key turn in the lock.
I'm happy that my dogs barked and came running when they heard my footsteps outside.
I'm happy that this weekend, I'll be out with Melch, have fondue with Ming, go to a country concert with Dad, and get to tease Mum about her OhSoHappening line-dance class.

Indeed I am blessed. My life is brilliant.

lying among the petals 3:44 PM